Did anyone ask you how you are feeling today? What was your response? Maybe you answered “good, “ or maybe you simply responded by asking them how they were feeling. When was the last time you actually checked in with yourself and knew how you were feeling? Too often we are only aware of our emotions when they are unpleasant and out of our control. Common pleasantries often receive a pleasant response, despite how we may actually be doing. This suppression and disconnection with our emotions have led to large cultural problems. Feeling our emotions now has been tied to discomfort. And we don’t like discomfort, we push that away. If we see someone crying, what is the typical response? Maybe consoling them, tell them “there there, don’t cry. Things will be alright. “ why are we trying to placate this person, instead of allowing them to sit with this unpleasant feeling? Is it any wonder people dread hospitals and avoid funerals when we are part of a culture telling us to only allow the good feelings.
This cultural disapproval of emotions is tied to gender issues, unrealistic expectations, and hyper-stoicism. This has major effects and has led to large-scale lack of emotional regulation. When we are not able to sit with discomfort, we can suppress and shove these feelings away, self-medicate, or express them inappropriately. Everyone knows the idea of the man getting yelled at by his boss, only to then come home and yell at the dog. Poor expression of emotion can cause distress in relationships and many other problems in life. One major goal of therapy is for all clients to become better able to sit with their feelings, despite how uncomfortable they may be. This leads to mature emotional regulation and a balanced mood. Although not easy, this process is well worth the time. Take some time and assess how comfortable you are with discomfort and emotion. Introspection is the first step in growth.